Parents often come to us asking how they can help their child to feel safer at school, but the reason the child struggles to go to school can be complex and in order to find solutions, we must try to compartmentalise the overall topic of school ‘can’t’ into separate areas they may find challenging.
We have identified six areas, which are: social, emotional, physical, environmental, academic, and trauma. Let’s unpack these further.
- Social: Social interactions can be overwhelming, especially for Autistic kids. Navigating friendships, avoiding bullies, or understanding social cues—these can all create immense stress. Imagine walking into a cafeteria where everyone is chatting, laughing, and forming groups, and you’re not sure where you fit in. For some kids, it’s easier to avoid the situation altogether, even though they may crave connection and inclusion.
- Emotional: A child’s emotional state plays a huge role. If they’re feeling anxious, undervalued, or misunderstood, school can quickly become an internal battleground. Maybe they’re afraid of failing a test, or they’ve internalized the belief that they’re "bad" at school or there’s something wrong with them. Those emotions can make every school day feel like climbing a mountain.
- Physical: Sensory sensitivities are often underestimated. Crowded hallways, fluorescent lights, and constant noise can be unbearable. For kids who are hypersensitive to sound or touch, the physical environment alone can make school a nightmare.
- Environmental: The school setup itself might be a barrier. Rigid schedules, chaotic transitions, or lack of accommodations to learning can make it feel impossible to be in an optimal space to learn in. For example, if a child needs extra time to process instructions but the teacher is rushing through lessons, frustration or confusion can build fast leading to stress and emotional outbursts.
- Academic: If work is too hard, too easy, or poorly explained, kids might feel frustrated or defeated. For some, executive function challenges make organizing tasks or staying on top of assignments feel insurmountable. They may feel like they’re constantly behind, no matter how hard they try.
- Trauma: Past negative experiences—whether bullying, failure, or feeling unsupported—can linger, making school a constant reminder of pain. If a child associates school with stress or rejection, avoidance is a natural response.
If we examine these areas and identify some of the challenging areas that could be contributing to the child feeling unsafe, uncomfortable or stressed at school, we will see why school avoidance isn’t defiance, but rather a defence strategy.
Imagine going to school every day and experiencing challenges in one, two, three or all of these different areas.
Unfortunately, not all of the challenges they face can be fixed quickly, some of them require more long-term strategies like social interaction strategies or emotional regulation. However, if you are able to identify other areas that may have more straightforward accommodations or the ability to take a break from these challenges from mounting up during the day, being at school can feel a lot safer and create a buffer for some of the other challenges that may take a little bit longer to overcome.