Why is it really that we get so stressed out about motherhood? Is it because we are constantly expecting our children to behave in an adult way?
Some of you may have seen the quote that I posted on Facebook today, which was given to me by a very wise mum. She said, “You can stand and plead/scream/yell/cry at a flower all day to bloom, but until the timing is right, that flower is not going to mature.”
But, do we forget this vital piece of information and constantly picture in our minds their behaviour being different?
The problem is that we are looking at life through our own lenses. We have had 20-40 years (depending on your age) of life experience and so we already know what is expected of us, the appropriate way to behave and how to treat people.
Our children do not know this yet and have yet to learn these lessons of life. If you look at a 60-70 year old and compare them to a 18-25 year old, again you will find a difference in the way they behave and the way they think.
We need to consider this when dealing with and looking at the behaviour of our own children. We cannot expect them to behave in the way that we think they should, because they may not yet comprehend that that is the way to behave.
Even if you have told them a thousand times not to do something, then it is only because they have not yet learnt that lesson as habit.
If your child is a baby, then let them be babies. Babies cry, have very little communication skills, cannot fend for themselves and are demanding, because that is where they are at in their developmental stage.
Toddlers are learning to walk, talk, explore and experience life for the first time independently and they are going to push boundaries in order to estbalish what they can and can’t do.
Pre-schoolers and primary school children are establishing their independence and their place in the world. They are going to try out backchat, anger, nastiness, friendliness and they are learning what the consequences are for behaving the way they do. They are learning about their emotions and how to interact with other people.
As you can see, and I’m sure you know already, once they reach one developmental stage, then they start working on another one. Isn’t that what we do too? Aren’t you forever learning and growing as a person? Are you the same person that you were even just 12 months ago?
So why is it that we expect our children to get life right and to be perfectly behaved, when they don’t even have half the life experience that we have had, and let’s face it, when are we always perfectly behaved 24/7?
The answer is simply because we are looking at their behaviour through our life experience, not theirs. Try to put yourself in their shoes and understand what’s going on for them, no matter what age they are. Try to take your hat of knowledge off and put theirs on and you may just begin to understand their behaviour better.
When you do this and you get a realistic perspective of their behaviour, it starts to make sense, instead of their behaviour meaning that they are a ‘naughty’ child, or that you are a bad mother. Their is always a priority for them behaving the way that they do and more often then not, it is simply because of their lack of maturity and lack of life knowledge.
All their behviour means is that this is where they are at in their journey of their life. That’s it! End of story!
I hope this perspective helps you to widen back from your child’s behaviour today and start to enjoy their innocence and find an acceptance for this individual human being just trying to get through their day the best way they know how.
Have a great day
Jackie